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Day 279: A love letter to United Airlines

Updated: Jan 8, 2022


Dear United Airlines,

Every time I mistakenly fly you, I tell myself “never again.”  

Never again will I buy a ticket on your shitty airline with your rundown planes and worn out flight attendants.  

Never again will I choose you because you offer slightly cheaper fares or a more direct route.  You simply aren’t worth the savings…either in dollars or time.

Who would have thought in 2014 that we’d be sitting on a plane with no seat TVs…and limited wifi access…limited to your crummy movie choices unless we want to pay $16.99 for access to the Internet?  

That despite paying $1000 per seat for economy, this plane has moderate amenities…and that’s being nice.

That $10 buys you not a whole chicken wrap but something deceptively disguised as a whole wrap until you open it.  Then you quickly realize, the Bistro label was strategically placed in the center of the wrap to hide the missing center!  

On United, $10 buys half a cold chicken wrap and chicken stir fry that isn’t fried, nor stirred.  Not even sure it was totally cooked since I managed to find several hard rice nuggets.  Yummy!  My bad for ordering it, right?  Certainly not theirs….

Oh, and the crew…still as (un)friendly as always.  I suppose I’d be pissed too if I had to fly in these dated planes everyday with their crappy food selections…all the while knowing that nearly every other airline outshines you in service and technology.  

I’m sure it’s hard to want to come to work everyday.  I get it…but that’s your choice so throw on a f@cking smile, a new attitude, and show some pride in what you do by demanding management invest in their service offering.  You can do it….

And in case I have another lapse in judgement, I’ve asked Mr. Universe to remind me that it doesn’t matter how cheap the tickets are next time.  We are NOT…NEVER AGAIN…IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM flying United Airlines.

We are officially over!

There, that’s my rant…now back to our regularly scheduled program in paradise.  🙂


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