If you're wondering "Why is she wishing me a 'New Year' at the end of January?!?", I'll tell you why. . .
My birthday is the 21st of the month so I've always felt like that's when MY New Year begins. I get to use the extra time to get clear of everyone else's New Year's resolutions (& hangovers). I get to settle into the new vibes of the New Year & take the extra time to focus on me.
But this year wasn't like past years. Instead of settling quietly & intentionally into the energy of January. I moved. . . almost 500 miles away. . . back to the mountains. . . back to Asheville, NC.
I use the word "back" but there's little familiar about this journey. (Nor was there much quiet or settling about it.)
While it's true I have lived in Asheville before, this version of me. . . the one that just moved here. . . she's never lived in Asheville before. I'm so different than I was then.
Everything about this experience feels new. I didn't move because I needed a change. . . or because I missed the mountains. . . or because something had ended.
I moved for love. . . to prioritize a relationship. Something I've never done before.
When I left corporate in 2014, it was with the intention of finding love.
I wanted to find "my person", even though part of me wasn't sure I even believed that I had "a person" out there.
For the past 10 years (yes, TEN YEARS!), I've been searching. ACTIVELY searching.
There have been moments when I thought maybe I'd found it, but deep down I knew. Deep down I knew that I was still learning. . . still clearing. . . still evolving. . . so I could be ready when the right one came along.
Not gonna lie. There were lots of doubts. Times when I'd give up on finding him. I'd retreat within. Dive deeper into my own experience. . . only to re-emerge with a newfound focus & sense of clarity.
But at the beginning of last year (my #50th celebration). . . after re-connecting with a past relationship & then deciding we'd be better friends. . . I gave up.
I officially threw in the towel.
Exhausted by the search results, I decided it was time to re-direct my energies. To focus on what my life would look like if I was meant to spend it (mostly) alone.
I mean, I still dated but not with the intention of finding my person. . . with the intention of simply having fun & mostly focusing on myself.
That focus led me to get my real estate license, buy a condo & firmly root myself back in Indiana. On some level that grounding, felt freeing.
Finally, the search was over. Again, not because I'd found him, but because I'd let go of the searching.
It's funny how the Universe works. . . & how we manage to fool ourselves into believing what we tell ourselves.
Here I was, thinking that I'd evolved past searching for a romantic partner when in actuality he was right there. . . on the other end of the phone. . . being the friend that I'd asked him to be. The Universe patiently waiting for me to simply let go.
I share all of this not because I think you're super interested in my story, but because I know so many others are in the same space I was.
Disappointed. Let down. Giving up.
And I have to say, it's just a part of the process. Really, it is. As Joseph Campbell said,
"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."
As long as I let my expectations drive my behavior, I was never going to get what I deserved because I couldn't get out of my own way.
How can I imagine calling in my very own fairy tale, if a part of me doesn't believe in fairy tales?
The answer is in the letting go.
That's one of the reasons I love breathwork. Eventually, you have no choice but to let go. . . to let go of the resistance. . . the expectations. . . the conditioning & programming.
You have no choice but to open yourself to the breath... to your own life force... to the power of the Universe. . . to turn over control.
And that's where the magic is. That's where YOUR magic is.
So whatever resolution you set for the New Year. . . whatever it is that you've been dreaming about & working so hard for. . . let go. (Or at least loosen your fucking grip on it.)
The Universe knows what you want better than you could ever describe it. Trust me.
Because as Paulo Coelho said,
". . .when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
So Happy New Year to you each & every day!
Hey wait! Before you go back to doing whatever you were doing before you read this post, I'd love for you to take 2 minutes to complete my survey. I'm hoping to offer breathwork classes/trainings to folks that are interested. . . but I need to know IF you're interested & how best to serve you. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease. . .