I've been on more first dates in the 3+ years that I've lived in Asheville, then in my entire life up until moving here. And 2 of those 3 years were #covid!
That's right, I've been on a LOT of first dates & a handful of seconds & thirds. My #dating conversion rate has been terrible.
And I'm ok with that.
On the surface it may look like there's something wrong with me. . . or the guys I'm going out with. . . or maybe both.
In reality, there's nothing wrong with anyone. In fact, I've made a lot of great friends through the dating process. . . even though that's not my primary goal.
So what is my goal?
Well, as it says on my dating profile, I'm looking for a frequency match.
WTF is a frequency match, you (& several potential suitors) ask?
It might seem vague to most but to me it's permission to not get caught up on checklists or pictures.
Rather, it's permission (that I'm granting myself) to be picky as fuck. To stop talking myself into potential. . . or out of wanting what I want out because a part of me is afraid I might not get it.
The thing is, I don't know how to tell you or anyone else WHAT I want. The only thing I know with 100 percent certainty is that I will KNOW it when I FEEL it.
And that's what I have to remind myself. . . fairly often actually. . . that I will know it when I feel it. That I CAN trust myself to make the best decision for me, IF I allow myself to FEEL into that decision.
It's so easy to get tripped up by society's expectations when seeking love.
A big one for me is age. I can feel an external pressure (that I end up internalizing) that wants to dictate the proper age range to date within.
Sometimes I find myself following the rule that says the man should be close to the same age as me or older.
Then I find myself getting frustrated my the results. . . feeling boxed in. . . & have to remind myself that age means virtually nothing (as long as he's over 18, that is.) ;-)
A number says nothing about his character. . . kindness. . . maturity. . . intelligence. . . sense of humor. . . beliefs. . . capacity to love or evolve.
The only thing it communicates is what year he was born.
When I find myself stuck in these external expectations, life delivers sweet little messengers.
One such messenger reminded me just yesterday that she doesn't see an age when she's interacting with someone. She sees their energy & decides if it matches with hers.
Her words landed so deeply that I could feel them awaken a truth I've always known but had temporarily forgotten.
Age is just a number. And I'm in search of a feeling. Wish me luck!
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