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Authentic about my inauthenticity

I started the most recent season of Grey's Anatomy. It starts out in April 2020. . . covid times.

I just want to say, I THOUGHT I made it through the pandemic relatively unaffected. Now, I don't think any of us did.

I've always cried watching episodes of the show. I always had my reasons. . . stress at work, heart break, desire to find my purpose.

Then it was because I'm a hopeless romantic. Even though I prefer the term "hopeful romantic", that's not the reason either.

It's because I FEEL big, intense feelings. Yes, part of this is being sensitive / empathic. But part is the degree to which I feel my own feelings & not just those around me.

@romywyser told me in a reading late last year that I need to stop dialing down my energy. It's not serving me or anyone around me. 🙌

I didn't quite get it until this weekend. Moving into Leo season with a Full Moon in Aquarius (my sign) & feeling all the feels watching Grey's, I got it.

I cry during every episode (yes, every👏fucking👏 episode), but not because I'm a romantic. I cry because of the depth & intensity of what I'm feeling.

I can feel & relate to the characters love for each other (romantic & friendships), for their desire to be the best they can be professionally & personally, over their battles against illnesses & death, to overcome past traumas, stories & limitations. . . the list goes on & on.

I cry because I relate. I cry because I want. I cry because I'm afraid. I cry because I feel. . . I feel all of it.

I'm *slowly* reading Speaking Being. It's super heady but THE thing I keep chewing on from the book is the part about being authentic.

Essentially, it says something to the affect. . . to be authentic, we first must be authentic about our inauthenticity.

So that's what I'm doing here (thanks Grey's Anatomy, Leo Season & the Full Moon).

I'm owning the intensity of what I feel & the way I want to show up in the world. . . which might just include my heart on one sleeve & a sword in the other hand.

I'm dialing up the intensity, y'all. No more holding back or shoving it down or biting my tongue. It might not happen overnight, but I'm going to do my best to step into this energy & to live more authentically.


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