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Day 116: When your secret isn’t so secret

Updated: Dec 27, 2021


Yesterday’s shows included a variety of styles.  From Kygo to Band of Horses to Dwight Yoakam. A good music festival offers various types of music in one easy-to-access venue.

If you read Day 56, you know I excitedly trotted off to see Dwight perform.  For years, I’ve had a secret crush on this man.  His hat…his tight jeans…the way he holds his guitar and swings it back and forth as his knee (just one) swings back and forth in the opposite direction…the sweet crackle of his voice…you put it all together and it creates a magnetic pull I can’t explain.

I thought this appeal was something only I saw, but yesterday…standing in a sea of 20-somethings…surrounded by young things that have discovered a new found love for old country…I was shocked at what I heard.

Just as Dwight started his famous twist, the crowd — specifically the women in the crowd — went crazy.  I heard screams…screams like you’d hear at a JT show. These women…these girls…loved Dwight too.

So this is what it feels like when your secret isn’t so secret….  When something you thought no one else would understand or appreciate is also shared by those around.  It felt…it felt good.

I got to thinking about all the “secrets” we have…all the things, thoughts, feelings we keep to ourselves because we don’t think anyone else could possibly think or feel the same as we do.  

I started to wonder how many of those secrets are also deeply held…tucked away…by others.  I wondered how much more inclusive we’d feel with our friends, neighbors, co-workers…with strangers…if we didn’t feel the need to hide parts of ourselves.

Not everyone is going to be on the same page.  Not everyone is going to like…think…feel…the same way I do, but by keeping my secrets secret I’m holding myself back from finding other humans I have things in common with.  I’m the one creating the obstacle…choosing to hide a part of myself…creating the secret and carrying around whatever feelings are generated as a result.  I’m the one creating shame…fear…guilt…when I could be feeling a connection.

Yesterday I got to experience a mutual appreciation for a musician with amazing talent and I got to scream with hundreds of smitten women…women who felt just like I did about what I thought was my secret crush.  I was screaming not only for Dwight but for myself…because it feels good to be connected.


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