Updated: Dec 31, 2021
….and I’m feeling good.
160 days ago I left my job. I told everyone I was retiring…and that’s what I did. I retired from my old job…from the old constructs I lived by…from external expectations. I retired that specific persona. It’s taken me nearly this whole time to finally feel like I’ve fully “retired” that person…her responsibilities…those expectations.
Only now am I realizing that I used the word “retired” to make everyone else feel better about my decision…to allow them to feel comfortable with my personal choice…to create a path others could understand. I wasn’t quitting a lucrative job…or a position of power…or future promotions. No…I was retiring. The connotation is much safer…planned…expected.
Thing is, though, the word retired also makes it sound like I’m checking out…electing for a more relaxed path…seeking early dinners and discounts. While some of that may be true, I’m coming to terms with the external perceptions of people hearing that I’m retired. And I’ve reached a point where I want to scream, “I retired from my old job, not life!“.
I’m still very much the same talented, driven, type A person that I was before. I still have the same level of energy. I’m just consciously choosing how to direct my talents and energy…and I’m choosing to do things that I feel are personally important to me or those I care about. If it doesn’t resonate with me, I don’t want to feel like I have to do it. I want to have the choice.
This is a very new way for me to approach my life. I may be 160 days in but I haven’t been consciously aware of this path…or even why I sometimes choose the words I do…until very recently. This evolution and awareness will continue to present itself as I make my way. And as it does, I’ll take note…offer clarifications…share new perspectives.
I’m just beginning to learn how purposeful my actions…words…life truly is. That it’s only when I stop…listen…breathe that I begin to see how it all connects to guide me in the direction I’m meant to go.
It’s in those moments of confusion…when I feel like I might be a little lost…when I feel I can no longer see the path…that someone or something lights the bend in the road so I can see the turn. And it’s only as I make my way around the turn that I’m able to glance over my shoulder to see where I’ve been…understand why…and gain a little more insight into where I’m headed.
It’s a new dawn…it’s a new day…it’s a new life for me…and I’m feeling good.