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Day 218: Nothing but heart

Updated: Jan 6, 2022


I used to measure my success by the size of my bank account…pairs of shoes in my closet…expensive clothes on my back…number of friends on my Facebook page.  

After leaving my job, though, money and objects took on a different connotation.  It took me a little longer to come to the same realization about my friends.

For me, coming into my own was about recognizing what I needed…and deserved…in my life.  Gone were the days of collecting…anything.

It’s no longer about quantity but quality.  I can only guess this has to do with how invested I am now.  I’m not half-assing anything any more.  I’m here…fully present…invested in the moment and the outcome of not only my life but of those I love.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not attached to the outcome of mine or anyone’s life. I simply want the best for myself and the people I care about.  And helping loved ones to achieve happiness — if I can help — isn’t about escaping on vacations or going out for fancy dinners.  It’s about spending time together….talking…listening…laughing…crying.  Anything short of a heart felt connection is hard for me now.

Just 12 months ago, investing time in people was something I could only dream of.  My only option was to plan escapes and luxury getaways.  My shortness on time was offset with money to burn, so that’s how I chose to show my love and affection.  The more money…the more expensive the gifts or trips, the more I cared.

I can’t do that anymore…or rather, I choose not to.  Maybe some think this lack of spend is me being selfish.  Maybe it looks like I’m hoarding cash for myself. My entire life I’ve wanted nothing more than true relationships built on mutual adoration for who we are as people and not what we have…who we know…or what we can get.

It took me a long time to get to that place…to this place.  It took me a long time to tear down the walls…to open my heart…to put aside my ego.  I may not bring expensive gifts to the table anymore, but I’m willing to share the most precious gift I own.  Something money can’t buy…my heart.


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