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Day 238: A big day

Updated: Jan 6, 2022


Today was a big day.  I knew it was going to be when I woke up but I wasn’t expecting to have such an unsettling feeling.  I’m pretty sure much of that was a result of the dream I had.  Thing 2 made a guest appearance…probably because we saw Thing 1 out last night.  

I don’t really remember the plot or the point of the dream.  I just remember having to leave Mr. Universe to follow Thing 2 to his apartment to look at something he wanted to show me.

As we walked up the stairs to his door, there was standing water everywhere outside and inside his place.  It was a mess…with empty cans and trash everywhere.  All I could think was

“I could have been living in this mess.  I’m glad I got out.  I need to get out now.” 

But I couldn’t leave.  Not until he showed me whatever it was he had brought me there to see.  Of course, he couldn’t find it in the mess.  So there I stood…trapped…standing in ankle deep water…wanting desperately to get back to Mr. Universe but unable to move.

I awoke with a feeling like I’d done something wrong…or seen something that I didn’t really want to see.  And that feeling hung around for several hours until I finally had to tell myself to let it go.  I just knew without a command to leave, it was going to hang around as long as possible….and even that was a weird feeling.

That led into a Google doc and printing frustrations that I wasn’t planning for as I tried to prep for a morning meeting…which had to be moved to an afternoon meeting so I could enlist Kinko’s help to complete my printing tasks.  

As I sat at my computer trying to get the Word documents to properly open and convert, I could feel an odd sensation rising in my chest.  All the sudden, I felt out of control…frustrated…panicked.  The feelings didn’t match the situation or my excitement to finally be moving forward on a new project.

I was finally preparing to sign an Operating Agreement and a lease for a new venture…another wellness focused endeavor. Something we’ve been working for months…literally months…to get to this point.  I was ready to cross these legal agreements off the list and dig into the design and planning phases.  This is something I very much want to do.  The physical feelings didn’t match the emotional ones.

Once I finally got the documents shipped over to Kinkos, I headed to meet up with Laura to work on nesha stuff.  We’re planning to do monthly yoga workshops and need to buy a bunch of props. Unfortunately, props aren’t cheap and we’re still in the early stages of building our client base so we decided to launch a funding campaign.  We’re trying to raise $1000 and are offering some lovely rewards to folks that donate.

Let me just say that publicly asking for financial assistance like this wasn’t easy. For me, it means admitting that nesha is growing slowly…much slower than I was expecting.  I know I’ve been distracted with other things like getting engaged, planning a wedding, starting another business, teaching…but I just assumed that things would kind of take off on their own.  I mean, that’s how my career has always seemed to go.  Big difference, though, this time I’m in complete control…so energetically I have to be focused.  I have to make things happen.

It also means asking for help.  Asking the Universe is one thing, but actually asking friends, family, and strangers to help is completely different. All the sudden the ask is far more personal…far more real.  But we did it and we’re already 35% of the way to our goal!  And it feels good to let people help.

On top of all that, I got a call from Mr. Universe with some good news about his job.  For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I have a partner.  Someone who I can count on…trust.  Someone that is as career driven as I used to be.  Maybe I still am…although, it’s with a very different intention than it used to be.  I’m comfortable letting Mr. Universe carry that responsibility for a bit…while I go chase some dreams.   I never would have thought I’d feel like this…not so soon after retiring anyway.

I think they call this “growth”.  I’m going to call it a big day!


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