I was afraid this would happen. Not even a week after saying that I was giving myself permission to focus almost solely on me, I have a confession to make. I’m bored.
Bored.out.of.my.mind.
It’s something I’ve been holding back…not wanting to say out loud. I mean, I feel a little like an ass for admitting it….but my retirement wasn’t about holding back…or not being honest with myself.
My retirement was so I’d have enough time with myself…alone…without distractions…that I could really focus on me. Figure out what makes me happy…what makes me tick. And I’ve realized that as much as I’d like to think that I’m the kind of person that can spend her days reading…pondering the meaning of life…meditating and doing yoga…I need more. I need…I want…a reason to get out of bed and put on something other than yoga pants.
So last night I came clean to Mr. Universe….I finally told him that I want to work. Not the kind of work that results from made up tasks to pass the day. Real, employed work. This experiment of doing nothing has been fun. I’ve learned a ton about myself. Until recently, I’ve been busy getting re-acquainted with the person I want to be…with the person that I am. But now that I’ve spent some quality time with her, we both agree…it’s time to get a job.
I know, I know…I already have two jobs. Running nesha with my lovely co-pilots and starting the wellness center. Oh, and teaching yoga…effective January 1, I’m no longer just a subber. I’m going to have my own class to teach on Saturdays. Woo hoo!! And I still intend to do all those things. But let’s be honest. I have an amazing capacity to multi-task…to juggle priorities…to take things on and not miss a beat. But none of those things are going to result in the amount of work I need to keep me busy…to push me…to keep me from driving myself and everyone around me crazy.
Here’s the catch, though. I don’t want to do just any job. I want to do something that interests me…something that challenges me…something where I feel like I’m making a difference. This time around, it’s not going to be about the money. Although, I must admit…my time is valuable and I know what it’s worth.
Let me be clear, volunteer work and getting a job are two different things for me. So I do expect to be fairly compensated for the level of engagement I’m looking for. I’m not looking for a job that runs my life, nor makes me rich…at least not in the monetary sense. I’m looking for a job that compliments my life.
Not working was fun in the beginning. Each day was a new adventure…and let’s be honest, it was summer. I love being outside during the summer! But now…well, it’s cold outside. It has been for weeks. The thought of sitting in my house…or a coffee shop…every day, all day, all winter….it’s too much!!! I can’t. I won’t make it. I’ll go crazy…and so will everyone around me. I can’t do that to Mr. Universe. So last night, we talked about me getting a job.
I’m thinking something in the non-profit space might be a great challenge. Something that I can get behind…believe in…feel good about. It’s not so different from working with government actually and I was pretty good at that. Maybe I’ll take on something full-time or part-time. I’m open to figuring that out. Point is, I just need to do something.
I’ll admit there was a part of me that hoped I could make it a full year. I thought it would be cool to say that I took a year off. But then we started nesha and even though the intent was never to work full-time at it, it’s still a job. Then the opportunity to start a wellness center presented itself. Again, still not a full-time job by any means. But, they are jobs that require mental and energetic attention. So technically, I’ve been working for a couple of months now. Might as well admit that…and admit that I’m bored. I need outside stimulation.
When Mr. Universe comes home from work and tells me about his day, I can feel his excitement. He’s out…out there doing things. Talking to people. Experiencing people. Making things happen. He’s a part of a team. When it’s my turn to share…well…ummmmm…ok….zzzzzzzz. I bore myself at the mere thought of the uninteresting things I have to share.
So, I’m going to start looking around. Talking to people I know and respect. I’m going to put feelers out and hopefully I’ll find something that inspires me. Ideally, I’d love to start a new job after the wedding…which is right around the corner! That’s what I’m putting out into the universe…and if you know of something you think I might be interested in…or good at…let me know. 🙂