Updated: Dec 21, 2021
Sometimes it’s a simple reminder of something that we’ve learned previously but may have forgotten or aren’t practicing – like being kind to strangers.
Ever find yourself having a bad day and someone you don’t know shares a compliment…lets you go in front of them at the grocery because you have only a couple of items….or simply smiles and gives a nod? Those simple exchanges should cause us to pause and remember the kindness of strangers…that we too should be kind to all beings whether known or not. Those people may merely pass by, being in our presence for just minutes, but the effect can be profound and change our entire day.
Then there are bigger lessons that take longer. For many years now, I’ve been working on developing patience with a particular emphasis on it since meeting The Taste…after all, I spent a lot of time feeling that I was waiting on him when in actuality I was learning several invaluable lessons: Love is patient. It can’t be controlled. We are at the mercy of love and must feel our way toward it and through it…as the time is right.
Whatever the duration and whatever the purpose, each person is mirroring something back to us that we need to learn.
As I prepare to visit my Shamans tomorrow, I’ve been taking inventory of how I’ve grown and want to prepare myself for future growth. The past several years have been taxing…hectic…chaotic…and some of the best of my life. This year, in particular, has been incredibly emotional for me. I’ve carried the emotion of preparing to leave a job and so many wonderful people. I’ve carried the emotion of feeling that I was letting them down by walking away. I’ve carried the emotion of a romantic relationship ending…an ending I wasn’t expecting or necessarily prepared for. I’ve carried the emotion from dreams that bring forth past relationships with reminders of lessons and a mirror to see my growth. I’ve carried the emotion of fear of the unknown….of letting go of a career that defined me for over a decade and of a love that consumed me.
It’s in the preparation of letting go — which many times we don’t even realize we’re doing — that I think we most clearly see the lesson. After processing the “intangible” discussion with The Taste (Day 8), I allowed myself to begin to see a life without him romantically involved. But he continued to be such an influence and I could sense that neither was prepared to let go yet…which told me there was still something to recognize.
That final lesson was the big picture understanding that The Taste represented a pattern that I’ve been repeating my entire life. In the quest to win the unattainable love of my father, I had yet again found myself in a relationship where one party was unavailable. It was usually me that remained guarded and closed off. This time, I had chosen a man that was articulate with his feelings but emotionally unavailable to me. Ironically, this fact allowed me to lean into love. To be vulnerable…to learn to love…truly love…within the safety of a relationship with a man that nurtured love but wasn’t available to give himself to it fully.
This was exactly what I needed to experience love on a much deeper level…to find myself in a position where I was willing to sacrifice…to want something more for the other person than myself. I learned to be patient…understanding…giving. I learned that love doesn’t always look a certain way…it doesn’t follow rules or social norms. I learned to see a person’s imperfections and find them to be perfect anyway.
I was finally ready to let go when I learned the biggest lesson of my life to date. When I finally realized that I was worthy of love…of someone’s full attention and devotion…of realizing that loving and being loved are equally required…and I wasn’t going to settle for less…not anymore. The day I realized that everything changed. I still love The Taste but not for his potential or even for who he is, but for what he taught me.
I’m thankful for so many lessons learned from past relationships – both friends and lovers – and I carry those lessons in my heart. But I can’t carry the emotion or the burden of the connections any more. Energetically, it no longer serves me to drag around the past. Emotionally, I want to release the past so I can be in the present with an eye to the future. So tomorrow I will go to my Shamans and cut the cords tied to old energy that I’ve been dragging around for far too long. This doesn’t mean that I’m cutting people out of my life. It simply means that I’m cutting the old connection to some. If we are meant to be in each other’s lives and there are new lessons to offer to each other, new cords…healthy cords…will be established.
If you feel a release tomorrow, it just might be my cord to you. Know that I’m not abandoning you, I’m simply freeing us to learn new lessons…to continue our evolution…and to love. Namaste