I’ve only taught a couple of yoga classes and have been trying to figure out if I want to teach or not…and if I do, what kind of teacher I want to be.
When I was in Key West, I got a Facebook message from a fellow yogi asking me to sub for her this coming Saturday. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I sat on the message for an entire day before responding because it stirred up all kinds of questions. The biggest being…did I even want to teach?
I wish I could explain it. I love practicing yoga, especially Vinyasa. I love the flow…the union between body and breath…the music…and especially my teachers. But I’ve struggled with picturing myself regularly leading a class. It’s not that I’m afraid to speak in front of people – far from it. It’s not that I don’t know the material…or aren’t capable of putting together a thoughtful practice.
For a while I thought it was because I wanted to be a more playful teacher…not so serious. So I went to two workshops to learn to teach kids. It rocked! The thought of being silly with a room full of kids and teaching them yoga through stories, song, and games seemed to stir something inside me – probably my inner child. It was a lovely union between instruction and play. Knowing how much yoga had benefited me as an adult made me excited to see how it could benefit children. I put some feelers out to teach but never heard back. So I put it on the back burner…or rather, my other obligations pushed me to put it on the back burner and there it still sits.
So there I was…on vacation…with an invitation to teach a 75 minute Vinyasa class to adults in a beautiful studio. I thought about saying no…but didn’t have a good reason to, so I said yes.
Today I spent most of the afternoon working on sequencing after spending a good deal of Saturday building a play list. After investing several hours and mentally planning out how I would spend the rest of the week refining the class, I realized that I really don’t like building a Vinyasa class. I don’t like planning out all the transitions between postures…all the inhale/exhale verbal queues…constantly reminding people to breath with every movement.
I realized I love the practice but don’t want to teach it. Now, this may change come Saturday after I’ve taught, but I don’t see myself wanting to invest this much time into planning a sequence and transitions between poses. I think I rather spend the time putting together a lesson plan for kids…or just teaching postures, more like a Hatha or Yin.
When I look back, I’ve never really been able to picture myself leading a class beyond the centering at the beginning. If I paid more attention to my own advice, I’d have realized that I can’t picture doing it because it’s not something that I want to do. It kinda sucks to admit that you don’t want to do something all your friends do…and do really well. At least I figured it out before committing to teach regularly! The last thing I want to do is commit myself to something that isn’t in my heart…whether a job…a man…anything. In trying to figure out what I want, I’m realizing a lot about what I don’t want.
And if you’re planning to go to the Saturday class, don’t worry…I will bring my A game and it will be a great class! When I’m in…I’m all in.