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Day 33: In trying to figure out what I want, I’m realizing a lot about what I don’t want

Updated: Dec 19, 2021


I’ve only taught a couple of yoga classes and have been trying to figure out if I want to teach or not…and if I do, what kind of teacher I want to be.  

When I was in Key West, I got a Facebook message from a fellow yogi asking me to sub for her this coming Saturday.  I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I sat on the message for an entire day before responding because it stirred up all kinds of questions.  The biggest being…did I even want to teach?

I wish I could explain it.  I love practicing yoga, especially Vinyasa.  I love the flow…the union between body and breath…the music…and especially my teachers.  But I’ve struggled with picturing myself regularly leading a class.  It’s not that I’m afraid to speak in front of people – far from it.  It’s not that I don’t know the material…or aren’t capable of putting together a thoughtful practice.

For a while I thought it was because I wanted to be a more playful teacher…not so serious. So I went to two workshops to learn to teach kids.  It rocked! The thought of being silly with a room full of kids and teaching them yoga through stories, song, and games seemed to stir something inside me – probably my inner child.  It was a lovely union between instruction and play.  Knowing how much yoga had benefited me as an adult made me excited to see how it could benefit children.  I put some feelers out to teach but never heard back.  So I put it on the back burner…or rather, my other obligations pushed me to put it on the back burner and there it still sits.

So there I was…on vacation…with an invitation to teach a 75 minute Vinyasa class to adults in a beautiful studio.  I thought about saying no…but didn’t have a good reason to, so I said yes.

Today I spent most of the afternoon working on sequencing after spending a good deal of Saturday building a play list.  After investing several hours and mentally planning out how I would spend the rest of the week refining the class, I realized that I really don’t like building a Vinyasa class.  I don’t like planning out all the transitions between postures…all the inhale/exhale verbal queues…constantly reminding people to breath with every movement.  

I realized I love the practice but don’t want to teach it.  Now, this may change come Saturday after I’ve taught, but I don’t see myself wanting to invest this much time into planning a sequence and transitions between poses.  I think I rather spend the time putting together a lesson plan for kids…or just teaching postures, more like a Hatha or Yin.

When I look back, I’ve never really been able to picture myself leading a class beyond the centering at the beginning.  If I paid more attention to my own advice, I’d have realized that I can’t picture doing it because it’s not something that I want to do.  It kinda sucks to admit that you don’t want to do something all your friends do…and do really well.  At least I figured it out before committing to teach regularly!  The last thing I want to do is commit myself to something that isn’t in my heart…whether a job…a man…anything.  In trying to figure out what I want, I’m realizing a lot about what I don’t want.

And if you’re planning to go to the Saturday class, don’t worry…I will bring my A game and it will be a great class!  When I’m in…I’m all in.


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