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Surprises & disappointments

Dear Moon Taxi,

Thank you for surprising the shit out of me by being so damn good live.

I'm always hopeful when I see a band for the first time. But they don't always deliver.

You delivered & then some. Not only did you sound great but your energy was off the chart. Constant smiles on your face & everyone in the crowd. I needed those smiles. . . & for the energy of the music to wash over me & carry away the day.


* * * *

For the past couple of days, I could feel an unsettling energy hanging around.

I was agitated. . . pissed.

But there was no external reason to be. Even though I was trying hard to find blame, I knew it was something deep that I was processing.

Yesterday it finally presented itself ("in the bubble" with some help from Laura).

Disappointment. Uggggggggh

The energy irritating the fuck out of me was disappointment.

I could trace it all the back to childhood & the distinct feeling that my existence was a disappointment.

I followed it forward through experiences where I had disappointed myself.

And then finally to the present day where I could see how this thread had permeated my romantic relationships.

Constantly reminding me to expect the worst. To not be fully open. To only trust to a point. Always prepared to be disappointed.

To my past relationships, I'm sorry. There was little chance for success with disappointment looming in the background. I can own that.

To my future relationship(s), I will do my best to be present & accept you as you are. . . as I hope you will do for me. ❤️🙏❤️


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