Yesterday we continued working on creating "the most epic sleeve", as @mountaintemple likes to say.
I've had lots of tattoos over the years. . . in lots of places. . . and this was the most challenging.
About halfway through, my body said "ENOUGH!".
The adrenaline flowed powerfully.
My whole body started to shake uncontrollably (not good when you are getting inked).
My pain threshold was off the charts. . . not aligned with the actual work being done.
My skin felt like an exposed live wire. Sensitive beyond anything I could have imagined.
My mind screamed & pleaded for Chris to stop. For me to do something & make him stop.
Yet I soldier on. . . pushing through the pain. . . pleading for my body to cooperate for just a little longer.
Then I realized what I was doing.
Again, I was compromising & de-prioritizing my own discomfort.
Usually, it's not a physical discomfort so it's much easier to ignore. This was impossible to ignore.
Finally. Finally, that part of me that hasn't had a voice had my full attention.
I could feel her rage. So much anger.
On the way home I tried screaming to release the energy.
I couldn't get to it.
The scream felt superficial compared to where this energy lived in my body.
I wondered if I needed my shaman to help me navigate these emotions.
But I didn't want to wait. I wanted to get to the source now!
Was it due to present circumstances or past??
So I did what I knew he would guide me to do, I connected to my inner child to see what she needed.
Immediately, the tears.
Rage filled tears.
Yet again, her lack of safety surfacing & asking more of the adults around her. . . including me.
Even though the pain of the session will quickly subside, etched on my body is a constant reminder to do more. . . to be stronger. . . to prioritize my needs & to take better care of that little girl. ❤️
She deserves it. I deserve it.