Updated: Jun 29
Whelp, this is it. The last day in my 40s.
To say the feeling is surreal is an understatement, yet somehow. . . on some level, I've made complete peace with it.
There've been several check ins along the way. One of the most effective was to look back at everything that happened in my 20s. . . then my 30s. . . & finally, my 40s. To witness how each decade functioned almost as its own lifetime with a clear birthing, maturing & elder quality.
It's like looking at three distinct humans. And then I remind myself that all of it is me. Somehow, I'm the walking amalgamation of everything up until now.
So when I start to panic about how quickly time is marching forward. . . & how much I still want to experience. . . I remind myself of all the magical twists & turns I've lived to get to this very moment.
I settle into the thought of how much life there is still left to live. How much wiser I feel. How much more trust I have in the #Universe.
It's no longer blind trust like it was in my 20s. It's a trust forged in first hand experiences. . . eye witness accounts. . . & imprinted into my operating system. Serving almost like an internal GPS.
It's this knowing that there's truly no such thing as a mistake. That as long as I'm learning. . . growing. . . evolving. . . & sharing, I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.
So, as I reflect back on this past decade I find myself living a life very different than the life I was living on the first day of my 40s.
Nearly 10 years ago, I was working 10+ hour days at a corporate job that I gave entirely too many shits about. Spending more time in airports & hotels than at home. . . with a closet full of clothes & #regrets. I was living in a #shamespiral of my own creation. . . so deep that the only way out was to quit it all. So I did.
Then I met Mr. Universe. . . got married (for the third time). . . owned a yoga studio (which I thought was my dream). . . started studying #metaphysics (which shifted my world on its axis) & got a dog (& then another). I thought I was living my dream life. Turns out it was a bit more like a Wes Craven nightmare because. . .
At 45, I found myself going through (yet another) divorce. . . having married my #karmacard. Lost & confused, I called in a craaaaaazy business coach (who came from the Upside Down). . . traveled to Europe & walked the Camino in Spain (where I felt the profound power of my higher self). . . imploded the yoga studio (that I thought was my dream) & moved out of the state I'd lived in my whole life, leaving everyone I knew but one soul sister (who joined me on the adventure). Basically upending nearly every fucking thing about my life.
The last third of the decade was spent in the healing Blue Ridge Mountains of #WNC, in a cute little mountain house in North #Asheville. And despite experiencing a #pandemic (a what?!?), living in Asheville felt a bit like a perpetual vacation (#ChevyChase style).
My 49th year. . . well, it was doozy. Comprised of intense #healing, crystal clear #clarity & soul crushing #disillusionment. It was basically my 20s, 30s & 40s compressed into 365 days, just minus another divorce. #thankgawd
In some ways it feels like the perfect ending to find myself back in #Indiana. . . the state where I was born & have lived most of my life. . . so I can (yet again) find myself reborn.
For the first time in nearly 20 years, I don't own a house or cars. I'm living in the smallest footprint since apartment-living. The only thing I don't want to live without is my dog. #Shebatheamericanbulldog Everything else feels dispensable. I'm back to being a #solopreneur, doing only the things I love. . . spending time with the people I love. This level of freedom is a first for me.